Getting back on the horse

This week I have a bad experience, not necessarily as bad while I was out for a run, but afterward. My run itself was somewhat challenging, but I pushed through it and finished the 3 miles midweek run. As soon as I stopped walking though and entered the house, I seemed to crash. My body decided it absolutely had enough. I laid down on the floor and that's were I stayed for the next twenty minutes. For the rest of the day and all through the night I was overcome by chills and despite sweater and blankets was not able to get warm. I wondered, if I had down something bad during the run, but it wasn't hot enough outside to be heat exhaustion or anything like that. I still felt off the whole next day and skipped my run that day.

Today, I wanted to do my scheduled run, but I was so scared. I didn't know what to expect. After a few days, I figured that my body had probably been fighting an illness and the run had just brought it to the surface, but since I never really had any other symptoms, I couldn't be sure.

I had a really hard time, deciding what I wanted to do. Originally, I had thought about participating in a training run for my half marathon in three weeks, but I didn't want to drive all the way out there, just to discover that I wasn't ready to run the distance. I also was afraid that my ego would make me run faster - being surrounded by other runners - than I should be running. Homebody suggested I should just go to the park by our house and run several loops to continue with the 11 miles on the schedule. I would know all the trails and could always cut it short, if I needed to.

It took me forever to get out the door this morning. My stomach was turned upside down, because I was so nervous to step back out there. I kept telling myself that it is kind of like having fallen of a horse and that I just needed to get back on. So I just kept getting ready, despite all the doubtful thoughts in my mind until I had closed the door behind me and was on my way to the park.

I knew I would start of with doubts in my mind, wondering if I would be able to manage the whole distance. I told myself to take it really slow and never let myself feel exhausted. Instead of letting a thought of fear "can I really make it this time?" creep in, I kept repeating "just get back on the horse and it will be fine" in my head. And fine it was. I told myself to enjoy the scenery and mentally go for a walk. As I made my rounds through the diversity of the park landscape, I kept reassuring myself that my runs will always be diverse, just like the landscapes.
I am very glad, I got back on the horse (but honestly, still hope, I don't fall off like this again..).